Someday..It will be the ONE LAST CRY

Published May 13, 2016 by myonesidedlove

Days, months, years.

No matter how long.

You can and you will move on.

From someone who’s been there for 11 years, believe me.

Some took longer, and yes its true he’ll be a part of you forever.

For now, just sing the song “Someday” by Nina…

Someday you’re gonna realize
One day you’ll see this through my eyes
By then I won’t even be there
I’ll be happy somewhere even if I caredI know you don’t really see my worth
You think you’re the last guy on earth
Well I’ve got news for you
I know that I’m not that strong
But it won’t take long, won’t take long

Cause, someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You’ll see I won’t even miss you
Someday, someday

Right now I know you can’t tell
I’m down and I’m not doing well
But one day these tears, they will all run dry
I won’t have to cry sweet goodbye

Cause, someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
Oh, one day I’ll forget about you
You’ll see I won’t even miss you
Someday, I know someone’s gonna be there

Someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You’ll see I won’t even miss you
Someday, someday

Or “One Last Cry” by Brian McKnight…
My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I’m down to my last cry

Cry…..

I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Stop living a lie

[Bridge:]
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on
And on ….
And on ….

[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Been living a lie

I guess I’m down,
I guess I’m down,
I guess I’m down…
I guess I’m down…
To my last cry…

Though you know it may not be the last..
Someday, it will be.
Lyrics of the songs from http://www.azlyrics.com/

Dear you,

Published March 16, 2015 by myonesidedlove

Today is my birthday and I still hope you’ll greet me or just even send me a 3 letter message, HBD. I checked my phone and saw that you sent a blank message. Why blank? Did you just accidentally clicked it? Maybe you don’t know what to say or worse  it is just a wrong sent message. You see how much I want to understand you but I can’t? I look like crazy whenever I replied 10 messages from a short or a blank message from you. I imagined your thoughts, I imagined your reply and sent another message again. I’m so tired of doing these things all over again but I can’t stop.  Forgive me but I have enough what ifs.

Forgive me for not letting go of my feelings, for not being able to move on. Forgive me for not accepting our current fate and still fighting this useless battle. Forgive me for insisting myself to you. Forgive my delusions, hallucinations, and false dreams about us. Forgive me for loving you so much I want to forgive myself too. Forgive me that I can’t forgive you for not understanding that I love you. Forgive me that I’m hurt that you don’t understand the complexity of my feelings for you. Forgive me my love because I can’t give up on you, on me and the hope of having us. Forgive me that I can’t forget you and I can’t stop. Forgive me that in addition to what you are going through, I pester you with these letters of mine and selfishly sharing my thoughts without thinking how you may feel about them. Forgive me for saying again that I love you.

P.S.

My love, forgive me for asking so much from you even though I know that it is not your responsibility to love me back. It is not even your obligation to pity me and have mercy. You and I are not at fault even if you may feel that I put all the blame on you.  I know I can’t blame you because love is nobody’s fault. Forgive me that even ending this letter was too hard for me. Forgive me for wishing, praying, and hoping that you will still learn to love me. Please forgive me for wanting to say all these things to you. Please think of it as a birthday gift. Lastly, may you grant my birthday wish that it may remain unknown that I write this all for you.

-September 2014

Ending

Published September 5, 2014 by myonesidedlove

He is my hell and heaven. He murdered and healed me. He is the virus and my cure. He is everything I want that I can’t have. I want to do everything I can do for him but I’m always afraid to do anything. He doesn’t love me but I love him. And this has always been our ending. An ending without a beginning.

That’s it! How can I end it when I haven’t start yet? Maybe this is the reason I can’t move on from an unfinished past. Can a story have an ending without a beginning? Can we say its finished when the writer still shouts that her work is still incomplete?

Hellish fool

Published September 5, 2014 by myonesidedlove

I have been trying to move on for 10 years now. With all my strength, faith and a little bit of love left only for myself. I accepted the fact that I can’t erase you from my memories but I tried my best not to think of you. There were times I thought I already succeeded but I’m wrong. You still appear in my dreams every now and then. You are like a ghost haunting me for years. A ghost that I still want to hunt me. It feels like I’m being crazy and going crazy all over you again. I can feel the raging emotions inside me, my dreams seem so real and I feel like dying whenever I woke up. My heart is lock with you. Only God knows when can I really free myself from you. I still love you so much. So much that it aches. So much that I thought I was numb but I’m starting to feel again inside my veins. Every single cell in my brain are fighting each shout in my heart. I want you so much that I’m obsessed with the thought of you and me. Accepting it all over again feels like my heart and brain will burst out now. I need to confront these feelings or else I wont find peace. I wish you can be my peace. I am madly in love with you. I am madly in love with the idea that I love you and this is love. I’m a madly crazy obsessed freak infatuated with my first one sided and never ending unrequited love. I want it to end but I’m restarting this madness all over again. I want to let go but still holding on. Tell me again even I already know that I’m a hellish fool.